Putin Demands Jeff Sessions Resign From Russian Government

Putin Demands Jeff Sessions Resign From Russian Government

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

03 March 17

 The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, “The Borowitz Report.”

n a stunning rebuke of the Attorney General, Russian President Vladimir Putin has demanded that Jeff Sessions resign from the Russian government “at once.”

Speaking at the Kremlin, Putin said that the controversies swirling around Sessions in Washington “no longer make it possible for Jeff Sessions to function as an integral part of the Kremlin team.”

Putin asserted that Sessions had “become a distraction,” and ordered the Alabama native to clear out his desk at the Kremlin “by Friday morning at the latest.”

While Kremlin sources said that forcing Sessions’s resignation was “a necessary measure,” they would not guarantee that he was the only member of the Trump Cabinet who would be expelled from the Russian government.

“We’ve put a dozen of them on notice,” one Kremlin source said.

 

Comments

+6 # PeacefulGarden 2017-03-03 16:18

Okay, this one got me. My evening coffee almost was a spray…
+3 # CDMR 2017-03-03 18:33

Yes indeed. This is very good. If you only listened the mass media, you’d think that Putin was just elected president of the US and that there were some “bad dudes” in his administration. I guess Putin likes keeping his old title, “Russian President.” He’s sort of like President Bush. He still wanted to be called “Dubya.”

+16 # librarian1984 2017-03-03 20:03

The Bottom Half

Recently we learned 50% of American workers make less than $30,000 per year. Oxfam tells us the world’s lower 50% own just 0.2% of the world’s wealth. Now a new economic study shows that in the last 20 years the quality of life for the US’s bottom 50% has gone down 1%.

Not bad, right? Except we’re the ONLY modern nation in which the number went down. The less wealthy half in France, by contrast, saw quality of life go up by 80%. China: 400%.

We live in the richest country in the world, but you wouldn’t know it.

Everyone is mad at Trump. Fine. But these figures didn’t spring into being the day he whooped Hillary. This happened under Bill Clinton and Cheney and Obama.

The resources that should be going to the people, the funds that should be improving all of our lives, from health care to infrastructure to internet access, have gone to build an American military empire — under both GOP and Democrat administrations.

We have bombed nine countries since 9/11. We are still in our longest war (in Afghanistan). Obama recently pledged $1 trillion to upgrade our nukes. We have nine carrier battle groups (Russia has one), and Trump has just called for two more.

The Pentagon ‘lost’ billions of $ but will get $50+ billion more, at the expense of all other programs.

That amount would cover free college tuition for almost every US kid. I heard people say we can’t afford that. Why don’t we say that about the military?

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