Disturbed Man Gets Past White House Security, Gives Press Conference

Sean Spicer. (photo: Alex Wong/Getty Images)

Sean Spicer. (photo: Alex Wong/Getty Images)

Disturbed Man Gets Past White House Security, Gives Press Conference

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

22 January 17

 

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, “The Borowitz Report.”

man who was described as “visibly deranged” eluded the Secret Service on Saturday and gave a five-minute press conference at the White House.

The man, who somehow obtained White House credentials in order to bypass security, unloaded a delusional and paranoid rant that left a room full of experienced reporters shaken.

“We were all very, very scared,” Tracy Klugian, a reporter who witnessed the incident, said. “The things he was shouting made absolutely no sense, and he seemed to just get angrier and angrier.”

After a stream-of-consciousness tirade in which he accused the reporters of being part of a far-reaching conspiracy to distort reality, the man abruptly walked off “before he could do any real harm,” a Secret Service spokesman said.

Reporters who left the White House called the incident the scariest five minutes of their lives and said that they were grateful it did not escalate further.

“We were all terrified that, at some point, he was going to ask us if we had any questions,” Harland Dorrinson, a reporter, said. “None of us wanted to say anything that would set him off.”

 

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+88 # grandlakeguy 2017-01-22 15:12

Thanks Andy this is a good piece and your parody is actually our new reality!

I urge everyone to read this wonderful piece from Bob Fitrakis and Harvey Wasserman and hopefully RSN will post it:

http://www.solartopia.org/we-are-mourning-but-we-are-marching-and-organizing-for-democracy-the-earth/

+26 # George of the Port 2017-01-23 06:41

Great satire, except that I thought Borowitz would be saying a deranged man somehow got past White House security and has taken up permanent residence!!
+23 # DongiC 2017-01-22 20:07

The disturbed man was very irate accusing the reporters about misrepresenting the number of people present at President Trump’s inaugural. He couldn’t understand why the reporters kept referring to photographs from past inaugurals. Wasn’t his word good enough? When members of the working press said no, the stranger ran from the room.
+4 # Thomas Martin 2017-01-22 22:55

“I urge everyone to read this wonderful piece” … Yes, I read it, and it’s our guidepost for going forward! Thanks!
+12 # m… 2017-01-22 23:35

The sad aspect of this Satire is that any Trumper who reads it will mindlessly rise to their feet, fist in the air and shout ‘Damn Right’..!
+4 # AlexG 2017-01-23 00:27

Das Trumpett ist spukhafte fernwirkung
+15 # elkingo 2017-01-23 02:43

Well Andy et al:
That’s just it. How did this guy get into the White House?!
+19 # Salus Populi 2017-01-23 10:14

The inmates have taken over the asylum. Remember Karl Rove and “we make our own reality”?
+3 # Femihumanist 2017-01-23 16:14

Quoting Salus Populi:

The inmates have taken over the asylum.”

Why are you insulting the inmates? Anyone remember the film “King of Hearts?” The inmates were the only sane people there?

+20 # James Klimaski 2017-01-23 07:20

This was the first and last press briefing for the White House Press Corps. Trump is expects to sign an executive order abolishing the WH Press Corps and replace it with the White House Alternative Fact Corps. Anyone not credentialed to AltFact will have to file a Freedom of Information Request to the White House until Trump can ram through a bill abolishing the Act. It is estimated by the White House that millions of dollars will be saved and it will be great for the country. Trump pointed out through his spokesperson at the time that when the country was great the Freedom of Information Act didn’t exist.
+4 # Dale 2017-01-23 07:24

President Trump And His Swamp Creatures
By February, 2017 Trump’s Cabinet nominees were in place, as were the White House Staff and Presidential Advisors.
Infuriated with all the criticism of his nominees the President decided that he would hold a Presidential Dinner in late February, 2017. Surprisingly, it turned out that Trump’s appointments, while taken seriously by many, and praised by the alt-right, was only a clever ruse by our President to show that he is really serious about his promises to clear the ambient of swamp rats. That’s why Hannibal Lector, Trump’s appointee as Chief White House Chef, was instructed to prepare a special Banquet.
The White House Chef was placed in charge of the menu and will personally oversee the preparation of a range of delicacies. The Presidential Dinner became known as the Last Supper for White House dignitaries.
Surely Chef Lector, experienced even in the culinary preparation of human body parts, will know what to do swamp rats. It is rumored that the Presidential Dinner will feature delectable side courses of a marine animal nature served with the best German Liebfraumilch and, Mussolini’s favorite, fava beans in tomato sauce and the finest Chianti as a chaser.
0 # joe_me 2017-01-23 11:23

Journalist that know this deranged guy claim he probably did not want to do this quick response to crowd size ordered by his dictator boss or else!
+11 # dusty 2017-01-23 14:21

I watched the “press conference” in amazement. A man supposedly representing the President flat ass lied to the people of the United States and then some idiotic woman tried to claim that “alternative facts” had been delivered. At one point in my life I worked in psychiatric/psy chological services in a VA hospital with PTSD troops returning from VN. These two White House reps were more delusional than the Vets and they hadn’t suffered the trauma that the Vets had suffered. We are in some serious trouble friends if folks like this are going to be speaking to foreign press representing the USA on facts, policies, and information. Gravity is a fact Jack. Global Warming is a fact Jack. War is not Peace and Peace is not War.
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