4 year old seizes control of planet

http://readersupportednews.org/opinion2/277-75/41261-intel-chiefs-say-trumps-twitter-account-was-hacked-by-four-year-old

Intel Chiefs Say Trump’s Twitter Account Was Hacked by Four-Year-Old

Donald Trump. (photo: Jeffrey Phelps/AP)

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

07 January 17

 

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, “The Borowitz Report.”

n alarming report issued by heads of the U.S. intelligence agencies on Friday asserts that the Twitter account of President-elect Donald Trump was successfully hacked by a four-year-old child.

Profilers and cryptologists who studied Trump’s Twitter feed believe that the account was first hacked during the 2016 campaign, when the child was three.

“The hacker would often wake up in the middle of the night, in an addled and cranky state, and start tweeting,” an intelligence source said. “This disrupted sleep pattern is consistent with a suspect in the three-to-four-year-old age range.”

N.S.A. analysts who studied the vocabulary, syntax, and spelling of the tweets “determined beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are the work of a preschooler,” the source said.

While the intelligence agencies have yet to determine the identity of the hacker, the source stressed that a four-year-old capable of hacking the President-elect’s Twitter account poses “a serious national-security threat.”

“Based on these tweets, this particular four-year-old has a loose grasp on reality, lacks all impulse control, and is potentially very dangerous.”

 

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+28 # ReconFire 2017-01-07 16:03

Without the warning, I would have believed it.
0 # wrknight 2017-01-08 10:00

Quoting ReconFire:

Without the warning, I would have believed it.

You should believe it anyway.

+20 # ronnewmexico 2017-01-07 16:51

Nah, the heads of the intelligence agencies would never state this.

It would be a russian 4 year old claimed as cause.

+16 # bubbiesue 2017-01-07 23:24

Does it make a difference whether the child’s a Russian, an American or Chilean? It explains a lot, just being 4.
+11 # lfeuille 2017-01-07 23:42

Yeah, but the intelligence agencies would see it as an opportunity to demonize Russian toddlers.
+10 # CDMR 2017-01-07 18:14

“N.S.A. analysts who studied the vocabulary, syntax, and spelling of the tweets “determined beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are the work of a preschooler,” the source said.”

Just shows the total incompetence of the NSA. It was Trump, dummies. Geees, the NSA can’t recognize the syntax, spelling of a billionaire!!!!

+2 # wrknight 2017-01-08 09:35

Quoting CDMR:

“N.S.A. analysts who studied the vocabulary, syntax, and spelling of the tweets “determined beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are the work of a preschooler,” the source said.”…

Actually, that best describes Trump, as does the remainder of the satire(?).

+11 # Brice 2017-01-07 19:37

— Intel Chiefs Say Trump’s Twitter Account Was Hacked by Four-Year-Old

Kind of fitting, it seems to be operated by a 4 year old too.

+5 # ronnewmexico 2017-01-07 19:50

Ah so soon we forget. From the Hill on Clapper….

Testifying before the Senate Intelligence Committee, Clapper denied allegations by panel members the NSA conducted electronic surveillance of Americans on U.S. soil.
“Does the NSA collect any type of data at all on millions or hundreds of millions of Americans?” committee member Sen. Ron Wyden (D-Ore.) asked Clapper during the March 12 hearing.
In response, Clapper replied quickly: “No, sir.”

This arsticle is indeed satire but we must catagorize it as satire on a entity whose purview is most assuredly fictious.

+4 # elizabethblock 2017-01-08 07:43

I can’t remember who suggested that we turn Clapper’s name into a verb: “to clapper” means “to lie to Congress.”
+4 # CDMR 2017-01-08 07:52

It is already a verb. Here it is from web dictionary —

clap·per
ˈklapər/
noun: clapper; plural noun: clappers

the free-swinging metal piece inside a bell that is made to strike the bell to produce the sound.

Translate clapper to Use over time for: clapper Translations, word origin, and more definitions.

This is exactly what he is — the metal bonger inside of a hollow bell. Makes a lot of noise but has no meaning.

In another 10 days, the guy will be gone. I have no confidence in Trump’s replacement but at least this bald headed bell bonger will be never seen again.

0 # wrknight 2017-01-08 10:02

Quoting CDMR:

…In another 10 days, the guy will be gone. I have no confidence in Trump’s replacement but at least this bald headed bell bonger will be never seen again.

Don’t count on it.

0 # wrknight 2017-01-08 09:38

Quoting elizabethblock:

I can’t remember who suggested that we turn Clapper’s name into a verb: “to clapper” means “to lie to Congress.”

When referring to Clapper, we should substitute an “r” for the “l”.

+10 # anthraxripple 2017-01-07 21:22

I think it was the same 4-year-old who hacked Hillary’s email account.
+17 # PeacefulGarden 2017-01-07 21:51

Ah, the Age of the Oligarchs is here. They can say anything they want. They can grab them by the pussy. They are like chick magnets.

Didn’t Obama say during his early campaigning years, “we must leave the children out of this…” well, a 4 year old just hacked his way in.

I wonder what the 4 year olds who voted for Trump are thinking right now. It probably goes like this, “hummmmmmmmm… .. bzzzzzz….. hmmmmmm…..”

+6 # ronnewmexico 2017-01-07 22:26

What is being missed is not that a file was hacked but the content of the hacked materials.

Really emails of both the dems and reps should be public knowledge. Why not, thye work for us and are our only political chocies for the most part.

Trmp hacked,…. why bother for good or mostly bad, he seems to say what he thinks and doen’t exactly keep things close to the vest. Are there secret tweets of Trumps we don’t know about…I doubt it.

Trump is perhaps pretty open in his corruption his nominees point to that. Corrupt he is but it is open knowledge now. Hilliary not so much so. Her email speak to that. Are we supposed to just forget about the content?

+1 # John Puma 2017-01-08 05:21

Re: Herr Hair (aka “Trump”) twitter hack.

I also initially reacted with “but there is NOTHING secret about a tweet. It is intended to reach as many eyes as possible. The essence of transparency”

Presumably the fear is that anyone could commandeer Herr Hair’s tweets and say some REALLY bad things!!!

To that one might respond; “Worse than Herr Hair? Bring it on!!!”

0 # wrknight 2017-01-08 09:43

Quoting ronnewmexico:

What is being missed is not that a file was hacked but the content of the hacked materials.

Really emails of both the dems and reps should be public knowledge. Why not, they work for us and are our only political chocies for the most part.

Hmmm. Well, yes, they should. But I have to question that statement. If they are working for us, it’s not clear to me that they’re doing a very good job of it.

0 # ericlipps 2017-01-08 10:22

Bear in mind (1) that ONLY Hillary Clinton’s email was hacked, not that of Donald Trump or Bernie Sanders; (2) that “leaked” emails may have been tampered with before their release; and (3) BOTH the Trump campaign AND supporters of Bernie Sanders had motives for both hacking and, as it were, “sexing up” those emails before their release (Sanders’ people because of their blind fury at Hillary Clinton for becoming the Democratic nominee and for not “stepping aside for Bernie,” and you get a whole new picture.

Not accusing the bitter Bernouts, you understand; just saying. If any of them were involved, I’m sure it was without Bernie’s knowledge or consent.

+9 # chapdrum 2017-01-07 23:13

Wonder if Twitter has the right to refuse service to anyone that they choose. Would think that this applies to most businesses.
We see the statement in certain businesses: “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.” What would be illegal or unconstitutiona l about Twitter denying service to anyone?
+5 # Brice 2017-01-08 01:53

Twitter may have the right, but I doubt they or any other social network or blog site would do it. That seems to be the unwritten law of the Internet, encourage the worst in people so the conversation never turns too serious of subversive.

I tried to sign up with Twitter a while back. I know they need an email to contact a member, but the first thing they did was lock me out of my account unless I give them my phone number.

Now Twitter doesn’t have a phone number, at least that they answer, and their customer support is non-existent until you log in. Twitter is just another spy on the people operation as far as I am concerned. If they don’g give us their number, why should we give them ours?

+1 # FIRSTNORN1 2017-01-08 06:23

And perhaps the foremost reason the Far Right wants to ban all abortions is that when they can prove that a Tweet came from the unborn child (through *influence* with the mother’s brain), they will have all the proof they need to establish that life begins when the two cells join.
+4 # elizabethblock 2017-01-08 07:44

I hate to have to explain the joke. I would have thought that RSN readers would get it, but apparently not.
Borowitz’s point is that Trump has the mentality of a four-year-old.
0 # ronnewmexico 2017-01-08 08:35

I get the point and I think most do. But this joke fits in with the narrative of hacking being the cause of the loss.

This form of Hacking is breaking into to release something, information for personal or public use. We benefited from this hack. And the CIA is appatrently stating due to keyboard used and russian language in the codes IP address and such, this is obviously a russian hack.

Well duh if one wants to hack they do’t use obvious pointers. So it fits in with the narrative that obvious markers identify a hacker in this case a four year old. We’ll duh hackers would not last a munute if they used obvious markers.

So I take the piece as fair game and able to be discussed. It leads from a assumptive premesis which is false. Usually comedy leads from a true premesis.
He is right in Trup being like a four year old,. Obvious markers attrtibuted to hackers are always false leads if done by professionals. The CIA knows that. Trump a idiot may not.

Most americans by polling now think russia hacked into polling sites. They who hacked who were not likely russian hacked only to release information.

0 # wrknight 2017-01-08 09:54

Quoting elizabethblock:

I hate to have to explain the joke. I would have thought that RSN readers would get it, but apparently not.
Borowitz’s point is that Trump has the mentality of a four-year-old.

It goes beyond that to point out that the intelligence agencies will say anything to mislead the public regardless of how stupid it is.

It would seem to me that we either have to redefine the word “intelligence” or rename the agencies.

0 # ericlipps 2017-01-08 10:24

Quoting elizabethblock:

I hate to have to explain the joke. I would have thought that RSN readers would get it, but apparently not.
Borowitz’s point is that Trump has the mentality of a four-year-old.

But too many readers (and posters) here are too focused on hating Hillary to spare any brainpower for understanding a joke not aimed at her.

0 # wrknight 2017-01-08 09:47

“An alarming report issued by heads of the U.S. intelligence agencies on Friday asserts that the Twitter account of President-elect Donald Trump was successfully hacked by a four-year-old child.”

Makes sense. Twitter was designed for four year old children.

0 # tr4302@gmail.com 2017-01-08 10:48

Borowitz’s point is that Trump has the mentality of a four-year-old. Amen to Elizabethblock. Or as David Crosby observed “an intelligence free zone”

 

 

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