Political unconsciousness

Hillary Clinton. (photo: Carolyn Kaster/AP)
Hillary Clinton. (photo: Carolyn Kaster/AP)

Poll: Unconscious Clinton More Fit to Be President Than Conscious Trump

By Andy Borowtiz, The New Yorker

21 September 16

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, “The Borowitz Report.”

n a positive development for the Democratic nominee for President, a new poll released on Sunday reveals that likely voters find an unconscious Hillary Clinton “substantially more fit” to be President than a conscious Donald Trump.

In a hypothetical matchup between a Clinton who has been rendered completely unconscious and a fully sentient Trump, voters chose an inert Clinton over an ambulatory Trump by a margin of nine percentage points.

A spokesperson for the Clinton campaign hailed the findings. “We have every reason to believe that Hillary Clinton will be a fully conscious President,” the spokesperson said. “But even if she is not, she is still the far better choice.”

The same poll revealed that a broad majority of voters found an unconscious Donald Trump more fit to be President than a conscious one.

Finally, when asked about the Libertarian Presidential candidate Gary Johnson, a significant number of voters were undecided as to whether Johnson was conscious or unconscious.

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